Can we really have it all??

Growing up I didn’t have a lot of direction or really know what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I sort of fell into my career path and while I find it fulfilling I didn’t expect to end up where when I was younger.  I knew I wanted to grow up and get married and at one point I wanted a family.  Then for a long time we didn’t.  Jim and I got married young and I think the best thing we could have done for our marriage was wait to start our family.  We spent a lot of years being ok with the idea of it always being just he and I.  Obviously our path changed when we decided to start a family.  The tiny human would also change my path.  I wanted to provide for him and be the best me I could be and so I stepped up my game at work and actually put my strengths to use and ended up getting promoted to a supervisor and now a manager.  I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am and have had a lot of help to get here.

One thing I constantly struggle with is balance.  How do I balance having a career, a child, a marriage and still find time for myself?  Excellent question, one I can’t answer.

Some days I have to be Mom first. Some days I have to be a manager first. Some days I have to be a wife first. And every once in a while I need to make time for me.

Whatever the needs are, the priority has to shift.  Some days it shifts between everything multiple times.  Some days I feel like I’m treading water and about to drown.  Some days I feel like I have my shit together and can kick ALL of the ass.  I have admitted defeat more than once and asked for help, and while I don’t always want to, sometimes it’s necessary.  I am lucky to have such an amazing support system around me and an amazing husband who I can lean on.

I believe we can have it all, but with some help from those around us.  I’m just so beyond thankful that we have the help we do.  We’re going through a rough patch and if it wasn’t for our amazing family I don’t know what we’d do.

Right now I can’t balance it all, at all, but I can juggle.  At the moment, that’s a good enough skill to get us through each day to the next.

It’s been almost 5 years….

I haven’t blogged in almost 5 years, which is insane to me.  SO much has changed since then.  The last time I posted something, I was pregnant.  We now have a 4 1/2 year old son. Jim and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this year, and I fall in love with him in different ways all over again all the time.   I’m still at the same company, but I’m now a manager and leading a team of amazing people.  We no longer rent, we own our first home (which is too small and will be the topic of another planned post here shortly).  I still love music and it’s still my sanity, but I go to a lot less shows these days and have a lot less time to just “be” and listen to music.  (Kings of Leon on 1/13/2017- YAY)

I wouldn’t have it any other way.  It’s a wild ride, but it’s my favorite ride.15232221_10153831959741735_1634907852437475273_n

The little human in the picture has been my greatest accomplishment, and my most challenging, and I know it is only the beginning of our lifelong journey together.  He is smart and funny and has the most amazing personality and oh those facial expressions.  He will never ever let you guess what he’s feeling or thinking, because he will tell you.  He’s kind and empathetic and silly and just perfect.  He’s also an only child (and shall remain that way). He is strong willed (no idea where he gets it) and fiercely independent which can be challenging, but I know in the long run it will be a great asset for him in his future.  He makes me smile and laugh every single day and has taught me so many things in his short 4 1/2 years.   Before him it was just Jim and I and now, we’re a family.  I am  so beyond thankful every day that we made the choice to have a baby.  I do worry about this crazy world and what it means for his future, but I try to be in the moment with him and just enjoy this age.  Each stage goes faster than the one before.  I literally blinked and he’s almost 5…..

I am hoping to start to blog again as much as I can.  I struggle sometimes with balance, as I’ve found most working Mom’s do and I think having an outlet to write will help me.  I have plans to start a journey in 2017 to just overall being “well”.  I want to focus on my family, my health and my career and start to develop some healthy habits to make “having it all” easier and more manageable.  I’m hoping to use this blog as a tool for holding myself accountable.   So feel free to call me out if you see me slipping and not posting.

Until next time….

The Pregnant Lady Survey Take 2!!!!

How far along?   33 Weeks and 6 days

Total weight gain/loss:  Only 15lbs total from my pre-baby weight which is something I am REALLY proud of. 

Baby’s size? HUGE…he is measuring about 2-2.5 weeks ahead..around 5lbs or so give or take right now!

Maternity clothes? All day every day!!! (Still the same)

Stretch Marks? No new ones so far and I would iamgine it will stay that way hopefully!!!!

Sleep: Sleeping comfortably is becoming a HUGE challenge.. I’m a stomach sleeper so that’s been rough to adjust.  Also the frequent trips to the bathroom I could do without….2-3 times a night…I suppose it’s just training me to get up to feed the baby!! Smart bladder that one!!

Best moment this week: The reaction of the baby to music… I admit I listen to my music loud and he always responds when I am jamming out.  It’s something we’ve bonded over and I can only hope he loves music as much as his Mommy and Dadd do!!

Movement: TONS… I swear sometimes it feels like he’s trying to bust out of my belly button or something!

Food cravings: Everything in sight??!!  The good thing is as much as I crave certain foods I can’t each all that much because the child is taking up some seriously precious real estate in the stomach area!!

Gender: All boy!

Labor Signs: YES, Braxton Hicks contractions started a few weeks ago and while sporadic are starting to happen more!

Belly Button in or out? In, and since I was sorta chubby to begin with I don’t see it becoming an outtie at any point!

What I miss:  Non-Maternity clothes and Non swollen feet!!!!

What I am looking forward to: Holding him in my arms and we start our birthing classes tonight.. should be eye opening for Daddy!!!!!! (insert evil giggle here, he has NO idea what he’s in for)

Milestones:  We FINALLY settled on a name for the baby…he will be Cameron James Tiberio

 

For the babies room!!!

The pregnant lady survery!

How far along? 21 weeks and 4 days!

Total weight gain/loss: Only up 6lbs from my pre baby weight, which baffles me cause I feel huge!

Baby’s size? At 18 weeks he was 11 oz so I’m guessing he’s getting bigger. According to the compare the baby to food he’s the length of a carrot this week!!!

Maternity clothes? All day every day!!!

Stretch Marks? No new ones so far, but we shall see!

Sleep: I wake up a lot but I’m still sleeping pretty well!

Best moment this week: The pops and flutters have changed to full on movement now. Feeling this little thing move inside me has been the most incredible feeling and so far my favorite part of being pregnant!

Movement: TONS… he’s an active little dude!

Food cravings: Fruit and pasta… delicious!

Gender: All boy!

Labor Signs: None, which is a ok with me!

Belly Button in or out? In, and since I was sorta chubby to begin with I don’t see it becoming an outtie at any point!

What I miss: Being able to breathe when I walk up the stairs and having energy!

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this baby!

Milestones: We are more than half way now!! Only about 18 weeks to go!!!!!

To my Hosebeast!

I just wanted to take a moment to give a “shout out” so to speak to my friend Amy.  She’s one of my besties and I don’t know what I’d do without her.  I don’t see her in person as often as I like but we talked almost every single day either on the phone, email or through texts.  This is just another way for me to tell her how much I love and appreciate her!

We lost touch for a few years after high school when I moved away to North Carolina.  In that time she met the man she’d eventually marry and started a life for herself up here.   When I moved back we just happened to get back in touch odly enough through my previous employer.  Amazing how it happened actually and truly a blessing.

There’s never a situation that arises that I can’t talk to her about and there’s never a time when she doesn’t support me 100%.  She’s more “friend” than a girl can ask for and for this I am eternally greatful. 

So Amy; Thank you for being you, thank you for lending an ear or a shoulder when I need it, thank you for being there for me no matter what and thank you for all the hilarious and random memories over the years.  I love you dollface and am so glad you are once again a part of my life!

MUAH Hosebeast!

Kings of Leon @ Hartford!

So August 3rd FINALLY decided to roll around last week and that meant I got to get my birthday present!! For my b-day this year the hubs got us tickets to Kings of Leon in Hartford CT.  We had a few other peeps from up this way come with us as they too are pretty big fans of KOL and so we made hotel reservations and got us a rental car and headed on down.  We left shortly after 1 and got down to Hartford around 4ishwhich I must admit is pretty awesome considering we stopped for gas, for good and then again for a pit stop on the Mass Pike.  I was BEYOND excited and couldn’t wait to get down there.  We’d made our reservations at the Holiday Inn in East Hartford, it was only a few miles away from the venue and considerably cheaper than most close to the venue.  BIG FLIPPING MISTAKE.  The hotel itself wasn’t that bad, although I’d have like to know prior that they were in the middle of a remodel.  The rooms were clean and so it was ok in that aspect.  The customer service on the other hand was HORRIBLE.  The guy at the front desk when we checked in was one of the biggest jackasses I’ve ever encountered in my ENTIRE life.  He ran our card for the wrong amount and cause a HUGE confusing situation.  Put it this way, we ended up paying for 3 rooms when we checked in because of his stupidity.  Considering we only had 2 rooms we weren’t exactly impressed.  Nevermind that his mistakes messed up our checking account for DAYS after this!!!!!!!! If it wasn’t for the OUSTANDING customer service provided by the girl who was working the next morning  (shoud out to Heather and Jennifer) I’d probably swear off this hotel chain for the rest of my life.  I chose not to let it ruin my night as I had been counting down for about 130 days for this show and was looking forward to it for so long.  SO all the hotel shenanagins aside we decided to go to our rooms, freshen up and then go get some dinner.  We ended up at Margaritas for some delcious mexican food and margaritas before the show (Pomegranite Margaritas, YUM) which was delicious as always.  So we headed over to the Venue.

We’d never been to a show in Hartford and we were surprised how inexpensive the parking was, only 15$ and we were RIGHT ouside the venue, so that was a plus! (We pay 40$ for pretty much every other event, way to go Boston)  So we parked and walked in around 8:45ish.  I was a little bummed as we’d assumed that Built to Spill would be on first but when we walked in they were warming up which meant we missed The Stills.  Such is life.  Built to Spill was ok.  Some of the people in the audience were CLEARLY fans as they were freaking out much how I do when KOL comes on stage.  So once they finished Nacho and the rest of KOL’s crew came out and started setting up.  You could feel the energy at the venue, it was definitely a good crowd for the most part.  Our seats ended up being AMAZING.  We took a HUGE risk by getting tickets through the presale with the “possible limited view” and after lots of research we were happy with our decision to do so, only when we got to the venue did we realise how amazing our seats actually were.  We were in the 2nd row of seats right behind the GA pit in the front.  We were off to the left a little bit (Matt’s side) and not center, but still the closest we’d been for the boys yet, so Selena and I were on 10 as soon as we saw the seats.

So the boys came out and we were all screaming our heads off.  They started with Crawl and then jammed right into Notion and then Nacho came out and moved the 2nd mic stand for Caleb so we knew it was My Party, and it was! Next came Radiocative which is the 1st single to be relaesed off the new album “Come Around Sundown” to be released on 10/19 (YAY).  I had the amazing luxury of actually hearing this song (and the 3 other new jams played) a couple months prior to his from the Bonaroo audio and so I (along with the hubs and Selena) was singing right along and loving EVERY second of it (and yes we did get some funny looks from people like “how do they know this”).  I think this song will do well on the radio for sure.  Then came Molly’s Chambers…during this song I saw one of the COOLEST things I saw all night.  I looked left down our row toward and there was a little boy, probably I’d say around 8 years old, standing on his chair singing his little heart out.  He was CLEARLY a huge Kings of Leon fan and this was just adorable to me.  I wanted to go and hug his parents and thank them for teaching this little man what it’s all about.  I checked on him periodically through the night, and he was singing almost every single time I looked at him.  It was too cute for words!

So back to the music! So after Molly’s they went right into Fans and the place just ERUPTED.  People were REALLY into this song and I was SO glad to hear the crowd singing back and getting into it.  Next we knew it was Milk cause we saw some smoke rising from the drumset, and low and behold it was! Next was Closer and again, the crowd participation was definitely there.  Next came Mary (another new one) and this is my favorite new song from the new album that’s coming out (well that and Southbound, but we’ll get to that later) and I was FREAKING out.  I wanted to hear this song live SO bad because Caleb’s voice gave me shivers and chills when I heard it for the first time, and it was NO dissapointment AT ALL.  I was singing and dancing and basically freaking out.  The song is bluesy and soulful and between Caleb’s voice and Matt’s SCREAMING guitar solo my face was surely melting and I loved it! Next was 4 Kicks and then The Bucket… both super upbeat and great fun songs to hear live for sure.  Then it was time for Immortals and I will admit, until I heard this live I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.  WELLLl I liked it a LOT more.  And have since listened to it a lot more.  Then it was time for Sex On Fire and the crowd went BANANAS! I At certain points you couldn’t even hear Caleb singing because the crowd was drowing him out.  A crowd pleaser for sure.  Then came On Call and I was happy to see the crowd was just as into it and kept singing right along! After On Call they played Southbound from the new album and I think my husband was the happiest person in the place.  This is his favorite of the new songs and so he and I and Selena were jamming out.  This song is even better live than I could have imagined and I can feel some BIG sing alongs in the crowd once this album comes out and people hear it.  It’s just got such a laid back vibe and it’s SO fun to sing.  Of course we got some wierd looks and I kept trying to scout out other people who knew this stuff, but couldn’t see anyone else singing from where we were! Then came something I didn’t know I’d get to see/hear for a 2nd time.  They played Trani.  We got the pleasure of hearing Trani last year in Mansfield and it was all I could do to keep my head from popping off with excitment then.  It was a slamming performance and I was SO energized.  Caleb kicked his mic stand over at the end of it and I swear I almost lost my voice cause I was screaming so loud.  LOVE that song!

Then it was time to wait for the Encorr.  They came out and played Knocked up (ohhh oh oh oh ohhhh) and A+ to the audience for participating and then they played Use Somebody, which FINALLY shut the obnoxious girls up behind us who’d been screaming “PLAY USE SOMEBODY” since about 45 minutes into the set.  This made me happy cause I didn’t want to hear them anymore! HUGE audiance participation on this one as well of course.  THEN it was time for Black Thumbnail, which is one of my favorite KOL songs.  We noticed security wasn’t checking wrist bands anymore for the pit and so we just casually walked down and they let us RIGHT in.  SO that was clearly the highlight of my night.  It was just a perfect way to end the night for me.  It was so surreal being SO close to them.  I was in heaven to say the least.  SO we decided right then and there, it’s GA Pit for us next time we see them.  I didnt’ take as many pics at this show as I have at past shows cause I wanted to just put the camera away and really enjoy myself and I did! It was amazing and I can NOT wait to see them again!

So that’s my review, the show was great and the crowds energy was great and I couldnt’ have been more pleased.  I keep holding out hope that one of these days I’ll hear Ragoo or Happy Alone live, and someday it will happen! Until then though I can’t complain! This was our 3rd KOL show and I know there will be many many more to come I’m already excited and can’t wait for the next one! What can I say, it’s a sickness!! I love those boys so much it’s ridiculous!

On this day 4 years ago…

I married my best friend and the love of my life.  Cliche’ I know but I never knew a “soul mate” existed until Jim came into my life.  We’ve known each other since I was a senior in High School and when I met him initially I never knew that one day we’d be planning on spending the rest of our lives together.  He had a girlfriend and I had other interests at the time.  Well one of my best friends Joelle was dating one of Jim’s best friends Danny… we started spending more and more time together and eventually we were both single and starting spending time together just the two of us.    He was the first boy that I had ever had real feelings for (although as we all know in high school you’re madly in love with EVERY boy right!!! Oh if I could get all the time wasted on stupid boys, I swear!!!!) but when it comes to “real” feelings… it was Jim.  We were nearly inseperable the summer of 2000.  Spending all the time we weren’t working together and with friends and it was late summer when I got some crappy news that I’d be moving to North Carolina early in the fall.  I had the option to stay in New Hampshire and support myself, but at 19 I was in no shape financially to do so.   So in October 2000 we packed up and moved to Kannapolis, North Carolina.

When I left New Hamspshire I didn’t know how the distance would play on our new relationship and we didn’t “label” it at the time… but we kept in touch and talked as often as we could.  I ended up getting a job at the Gap Outlet in NC and after a while I realized that I wanted to move back to NH.   So I did.  I transfered to a local store and moved in with my Mom’s best friend.  Jim and I picked right back up where we left off and it was by far one of the most amazing summers of my entire life.  I feel in love that summer.  Real love.  For the first time (and really, to be truthful, the only time) in my entire life.    Things were going really well with Jim and I but I myself couldn’t seem to get it together and make a life for myeslf up here on my own.  I ended up staying with Jim and his amazing family until the end of August 2001 and had to say goodbye to move back to NC with my parents.  It was the hardest goodbye of my life and we were both so unsure of our future at that point.  We left it as “if it’s meant to be it will be” and went our seperate ways.  We kept in touch via phone at first and things were good, we were friends and that was it.  Eventually we lost contact and stopped talking completely.  I moved on with my life and so did Jim.  I knew deep in my heart that I loved him still and always would.  What happened over the next few years is kind of a blur.  I met a lot of amazing people in North Carolina, and a lot of NOT so amazing people.  I made a LOT of mistakes and learned a lot about who I was as a person.  Fast forward a few years (and a few broken hearts along the way for each of us) to February of 2004.  I came home for a visit to NH and for the Christening of my Godson.  I was staying with Joelle and her pregnant self, who never really knew it but was the matchmaker inadvertantly who got us together in the first place, and we headed over to a friends house and we pulled up in front of the house and I saw Jim’s truck.  My stomach was doing flip flops and I was freaking out a little.  At this point we hadn’t talked in a couple years, nevermind seen each other.  So we walked up to the house and Jim said Hi and we went inside.  I ended up taking a ride with Jim shortly there after and it was like no time had passed.  We spent a VERY large majority of that week together (and I still feel bad for ditching friends and family that week) but it was a week that I didn’t know at the time would change my life forever.  

Two nights before I left to go back to NC Jim and I took a ride to a spot up by his house that looks out over all the lights of the surrounding cities.  We’d been there many times before.  It was FREEZING out but I didn’t care, we sat in the car and started talking about us.  Clearly we’d picked off right where we left off and our feelings for each other hadn’t changed.  Jim told me that night that he knew I was “the one” and that if I’d be willing he’d like me to move home and for us to give this a real try.  I was initially SHOCKED but filled with pure joy as I knew deep down all along that he was my soul mate.  I never stopped loving him while I was in North Carolina.  Sure there were other guys (just like he had other girls) but I think those situations are what made me the adult I am today.  I realized through all the drama and stupid boys and mistakes that I made down there that the only happiness I’d ever really had in a relationship was with Jim.  It took me a few months to get myself together and eventually I was ready to move back.  My cousin/BFF Ellie and her husband Brian and one of his friends drove down to NC to pack me up and drive back with me.  On September 5th 2004 I was back in New Hampshire for good.  And I’ve been here since.  I stayed with Joelle at first because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for work or where I was going to live.  Joelle was 2 weeks away from delivering her 2nd baby Bryce (who I got to witness being born, but that is an ENTIRE seperate blog, hehe) and needless to say things were a little hectic when I first moved back.  I eventually started staying with Jim more and more and more and then moved in with him and the friend he was living with at the time.  And from them on the rest is basically history.

We got engaged in March of 2005 and were married on May 20, 2006.  It was THE most special day of my entire life thus far and I imagine it will be for the rest of my life.  I consider myself incredibly lucky to have found the person in this world that makes me happier than any other person ever has or could.  He is the only person whos loved me for the person I am and not what I have to offer them.  He is the only person who has loved me for my faults.  He is the only person who has loved me unconditionally.  He makes me whole.  I swear, I’m not auditoning for a Jerry McGuire remake, but in all reality he completes me. 

We danced our first dance as husband and wife to “God Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts.  I still get goosebumps every single time I hear that song.  The lyrics could not be more applicable to our “story” than any other song on earth. 

My road was very broken along the way but the day I realized that Jim was the one standing at the end of that road is the day my life changed for the better forever.   It’s been 4 years already which is crazy to me.  It goes by so fast.  But I can’t look back on a single day of our time together and not remember loving him everyday.  I fall in love over and over again everyday and can’t recall a time in my life when I’ve been happier than the time I’ve been with Jim.  His family has embraced me and I consider myself incredibly lucky.  I miss my Mom and even Bill a lot more than I imagined I would being so far away from them (they are in Florida now) but all the sacrafices and moving away from my family to take a chance at real love have all been worth it.  I’ve never regretted any of it a day in my life.

“Every long lost dream, led me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way, into your loving arms, this much I know is true, that god blessed the broken road, that let me straight to you”

So that’s our story.  To Jim, I love you more and more each day and I can’t wait to get old and senile with you.  Happy Anniversary baby, here’s to MANY MANY more! Muah!